Monthly Archives: September 2014

What Do A Doughnut Hole, A Fox Hole, Holmium, And The Holy Grail Have In Common?

19 Friday Sep 2014

Posted by in TALES FROM THE DINING ROOM TABLE, THE WORLD ACCORDING TO SAM

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Sam:  Why are there so many doughnut shops and why do they charge so much?  And this is not related to doughnuts, but Foxman should not be allowed to live on this planet.  All he does is get mad at people who say, “shamrock.”

Me:  Who is Foxman?

Sam:  A jerk.

Scot:  Is he from a TV show?

Sam:  No.   Did you know that lithium is the lightest metal?  I bet you thought it would be aluminum.

Scot:  Yes I did.

Sam:  I am going to learn about carbon and neon today.  Have you ever watched Monty Python’s Holy Grail?

Scot:  Yes a long time ago.

Sam:  Who is Monty Python? (and he runs off as Scot is trying to explain)

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How Aboot That Southern Drawl, Eh?

14 Sunday Sep 2014

Posted by in TALES FROM THE DINING ROOM TABLE, THE WORLD ACCORDING TO SAM

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Me:  Sorry, my southern comes out sometimes.

Scot:  I cannot stand that Okie from the skokee accent.  Yours is not like that.

Me:  It’s Muskokee not the skokee.

Katie:  A girl with a southern accent is fine to me, but I cannot stand a guy with a southern accent.

Sam:  Why can you not even stand a guy with a southern accent?  Is it because of Nickelback?  (Katie really really really does not like the lead singer’s voice and makes this very well known to all of us)

Katie:  No Sam, Nickelback is from Canada.

Scot:  There is nothing worse than a Canadian with a southern drawl.

 

Pop Goes The Wolverine

14 Sunday Sep 2014

Posted by in TALES FROM THE DINING ROOM TABLE, THE WORLD ACCORDING TO SAM

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Sam:  Do you know about wolverines?

Katie:  Yes.  They have metal claws that come out from between their knuckles.

Sam:  AARRRGGGGHHHH!  You just don’t understand, I give up.

Katie:  I was just kidding.  It was a joke.

Sam:  Wolverines are actually real.   They are the largest member of the weasel family.

Scot:  I did not even know that they were a type of weasel.

Sam:  Did you know that badgers are weasels and that most weasels are very aggressive?

Scot:  They are so aggressive they will attack a cobra.

Sam:  Honey badgers are immune to snake venom.

Scot:  Is that why honey badgers don’t care?

Katie: Did you know that the weasel in “Pop Goes the Weasel” is actually a winter coat and a man is trying to pawn it off to buy a night out on the town?

Sam:  Did you know that wolverines smell better than humans?

Scot:  They don’t stink as bad as humans?

Sam:  No Dad, the have better smell detectors.  Their receptors are freaking huge.

 

Here Is My Handle, Here Is My Spout

07 Sunday Sep 2014

Posted by in WELCOME TO PLANET KATIE: POPULATION 1

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Katie:  I found out an easy way to refill the little soy sauce jar.  You just unscrew the lid and then you can pour it in.

Scot:  I knew that.

Scot: (Laughing)  Yeah you don’t have to pour it into the tiny hole.

Me:  It is kind of like a spout that is its own entity.

Katie:  Yeah, I looked inside it and saw the grooves and realized that you could unscrew the lid.

Me:  WOW, how did they ever think of something like that.

 

Is That Egg On Your Face?

02 Tuesday Sep 2014

Posted by in THE WORLD ACCORDING TO SAM

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Scot:  This is a stupid game.

Sam:  Are they just killing people?

Katie:  I think they are trying to kill the monsters and not the people.

Scot:  Oh, there are monsters mixed in with the people.

Sam:  That is a stupid game.  Those people are murderers.  They should call that game Serial Killers.

Me:  Do you know what serial killers are?

Sam:  They are people who murder people.  They are so stupid.  They wear stupid cheap costumes.  They think people can’t tell who they are.  Don’t they get that we can see who they are just by looking at them?  They use mashed up boiled eggs and call it a mask! They are so stupid.  Can I have some pizza rolls?