Game Of Thrones

Me:  Katie, come sit on the toilet.

Katie: Why?

Me:  You just need to sit on the new toilet.

Joey:  Why do they want you to sit on the toilet?

Katie:  Because they are being stupid.  (Katie sits)  This is too tall, I hate it.

Joey:  (Tries out toilet)  This is tall.

Scot:  It is a man size toilet.

Katie:  Your feet are not supposed to dangle.

Joey:  Dangling feet is a good thing.

Katie:  Not when you’re pooping.  Or playing a wind instrument.

Scot:  Why would you play your trumpet while sitting on the toilet?

Katie:  I don’t, all of the chairs in the band room are too tall.  All chairs outside of elementary schools are too tall.




There’s Gold In Them There Parts

(A Kohl’s commercial came on the radio)

Katie:  Did they just say, “Women’s underwear for only $37.50?”

Me:  I wasn’t paying attention.

Katie:  $37.50?  For some underwear?  That must be some really fancy underwear.  I would not pay that.

Me:  Maybe if they were lined with gold.

Katie:  For that price they’d better be seamless – and give me wifi.



The Bigger The Telly, The Better The Man

Scot:  See how big his thing is?

Katie:  Yes

Scot:  Having a bigger thing means you have higher social status.  The lower status men don’t have a big thing, they have small ones.

Katie:  Do they choose to have bigger things?

Scot:  Well, the worker bees don’t have time to have a big thing, they just have little things.

Me:  What is this thing you are talking about?

Scot:  Actually he has six things.

Me:  You guys are weirdos.

(Katie and Scot talking about the Centauris from Babylon 5)

I Need To Get Away From It All

Katie:  Guess what song is stuck in my head.

Me:  (singing) Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take you to Bermuda, Bahama…

Katie: NO!  The theme to Steins;gate.

Me: Okay

Katie:  I like how Japanese rock songs use chromatic mediants to modulate.

Scot:  I have no idea what you are talking about.

Me:  Me neither, you are using music geek speak again.

Katie: It’s in the theme to… to… to… to…

Scot:  Steins;gate?

Katie:  NO!  No Game No Life, but that too.

Scot:  Now I am really lost.

Me:  You are welcome for the new song stuck in your head.

Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Plastic Surgery!

Sam:  Dad, if our founding fathers came back to life, do you think they would get plastic surgery?

Scot:  I don’t know.  Why would they want to?

Sam:  Because they would all be decayed looking.

Scot:  Well then it would make sense that they would want plastic surgery.

Sam:  Do you think that they would get crowns on their teeth too?

Me:  Of course, because their wooden teeth would have rotted away by now.

Sam:  Exactly.

He’s A Bodacious Babe!

Scot:  The ice cream is hard as a rock.

Me:  It is always like that when you put it in the big freezer.

Scot:  Well, there was no room in the little one.  Hey Joey, maybe you can take over for a bit.  You are a buxom young man.

Me:  I don’t think that means what you think it means.

Scot:  What, buxom?  Is that not a real word?

Me:  I am not sure if it is a real word or slang, but look it up.  I think it means big boobs.

Scot:  (checks google)  Yeah, that doesn’t describe Joey at all.  I had no idea it meant that.

Me:  Obviously.

One Flew Over The Pterodactyl’s Nest

Sam:  Hi Mom.  Did you know that there is a paleontologist named David Peters who should be fired.  He sees things that are not there and draws pictures of pterosaurs that are not accurate and he tries to make people believe that they are real.  I think he needs to see a psychiatrist and that there may be a problem with his parietal lobe.  That is the part of the brain that is responsible for visual sensory integration.  He has hallucinations and I think he has a disease and if it is not curable then he needs to be put into a mental hospital.  He should not be a part of paleontological (sic) society.

Me: That sounds very serious.

Sam:  It is!  Did you know that the dimetrodon might actually be a mammal and not a dinosaur?  The dimetrodon is a genus from the Permian period that has a large sail on its back and it might use the sail to capture heat.