Sam:  Dad, if our founding fathers came back to life, do you think they would get plastic surgery?

Scot:  I don’t know.  Why would they want to?

Sam:  Because they would all be decayed looking.

Scot:  Well then it would make sense that they would want plastic surgery.

Sam:  Do you think that they would get crowns on their teeth too?

Me:  Of course, because their wooden teeth would have rotted away by now.

Sam:  Exactly.

Sam: Mom told me to bring this back to you and I like smelling it.

Katie: Okay.  (Sam hands Katie the scented “ornament”)

Sam: Next time I see it, I am so smelling it.  (Walks out of room)

Sam:  Hi Mom.  Did you know that there is a paleontologist named David Peters who should be fired.  He sees things that are not there and draws pictures of pterosaurs that are not accurate and he tries to make people believe that they are real.  I think he needs to see a psychiatrist and that there may be a problem with his parietal lobe.  That is the part of the brain that is responsible for visual sensory integration.  He has hallucinations and I think he has a disease and if it is not curable then he needs to be put into a mental hospital.  He should not be a part of paleontological (sic) society.

Me: That sounds very serious.

Sam:  It is!  Did you know that the dimetrodon might actually be a mammal and not a dinosaur?  The dimetrodon is a genus from the Permian period that has a large sail on its back and it might use the sail to capture heat.

Sam:  I am going to be doing the dance of the peacock spider.  It is a spider with a colorful behind.  This may involve a lot of me putting my posterior in the air, but it is NOT twerking.

Sam:  There are four stages in a mosquito’s life.  Which one is your favorite?

Scot:  Um, the egg because it is the farthest from biting me.

Sam:  What would you do if you saw one?

Scot:  I would pee on it?

Sam:  You would pee on a pupae?

Scot:  Yes, yes I would.