One Flew Over The Pterodactyl’s Nest

Sam:  Hi Mom.  Did you know that there is a paleontologist named David Peters who should be fired.  He sees things that are not there and draws pictures of pterosaurs that are not accurate and he tries to make people believe that they are real.  I think he needs to see a psychiatrist and that there may be a problem with his parietal lobe.  That is the part of the brain that is responsible for visual sensory integration.  He has hallucinations and I think he has a disease and if it is not curable then he needs to be put into a mental hospital.  He should not be a part of paleontological (sic) society.

Me: That sounds very serious.

Sam:  It is!  Did you know that the dimetrodon might actually be a mammal and not a dinosaur?  The dimetrodon is a genus from the Permian period that has a large sail on its back and it might use the sail to capture heat.


If I Could Save Time In A Bottle

Sam:  I hate epochs.  They have ruined my view of the world.  Well, my view of time.

Scot:  Does it flow like a river?

Katie:  It is just more divisions of time.  They are defined by humans.

Sam:  Meaning?

Katie:  Well, they probably have good reasons for it and for why they split time up where they do.

Scot:  It’s arbitrary.

Sam:  Oh it is arbitrary.  (he walked off then)

Yubby Dibby Dibby Dibby Dibby DibbyDibby Dum

Sam:  Did you know that there are people who think that the Earth is flat?

Scot:  Yes.

Sam:  They believe that because their ancestors believed that.  They are not very smart.

Katie:  They are not very numerous either.

Sam:  They are called Flat Earthers.

Scot:  Yes, I have heard of Flat Earthers.  There will always be stupid people on this Planet and there is nothing we can do about it.

Sam:  But they just believe that because that is what their ancestors believed.

Katie (singing):  Tradition!

Scot:  That is exactly what I was thinking!

Gag Me With A Spoon!

Joey:  Did Katie tell you that she finally got her homemade leg wax stuff to work?

Scot:  Really?  So you finally took that goo out of the fridge?

Katie:  Yeah, I just had to cook it some more.

Joey:  But she broke a bowl doing it.

Katie:  Not the bowl that it was in.

Scot:  Did you microwave it?

Katie:  No, I cooked it on the stove.

Scot:  You cannot cook with a bowl on the stove.

Katie:  I put it in a pan.

Scot:  You cannot put a bowl in a pan.

Katie:  I did not put the bowl in the pan.

Scot:  Then how did you break the bowl?

Joey:  She threw it with a spoon.

Katie:  I was trying to spoon it out of the bowl.

Joey:  Yeah, but she threw the whole thing across the room and it shattered, but it was all still stuck together.  Then she picked up the spoon and chunks of glass just started falling off.

Katie:  I cleaned up all of the glass.

Scot:  I think that this is something that could only happen in our house.