… In Bed

Sam:  What does my fortune say?

Me:  Chance favors those in motion

Sam:  What does the back say?

Me:  Those are just lucky numbers.

Sam:  Lucky numbers are just superstition.

Katie:  So are fortunes.

We Might Be Vaping

Sam:  I need a piece of paper and something to write with. Quick!

Me:  What are you doing?

Sam:  Learning Japanese.

Scot and I:  (singing in unison)  “I think I’m learning Japanese, I think I’m learning Japanese, I really think so.”

Sam:  You know that is not funny, right?

Scot and I:  (in unison)  Yes it is.

If I Could Save Time In A Bottle

Sam:  I hate epochs.  They have ruined my view of the world.  Well, my view of time.

Scot:  Does it flow like a river?

Katie:  It is just more divisions of time.  They are defined by humans.

Sam:  Meaning?

Katie:  Well, they probably have good reasons for it and for why they split time up where they do.

Scot:  It’s arbitrary.

Sam:  Oh it is arbitrary.  (he walked off then)

Yubby Dibby Dibby Dibby Dibby DibbyDibby Dum

Sam:  Did you know that there are people who think that the Earth is flat?

Scot:  Yes.

Sam:  They believe that because their ancestors believed that.  They are not very smart.

Katie:  They are not very numerous either.

Sam:  They are called Flat Earthers.

Scot:  Yes, I have heard of Flat Earthers.  There will always be stupid people on this Planet and there is nothing we can do about it.

Sam:  But they just believe that because that is what their ancestors believed.

Katie (singing):  Tradition!

Scot:  That is exactly what I was thinking!

Gag Me With A Spoon!


Joey:  Did Katie tell you that she finally got her homemade leg wax stuff to work?

Scot:  Really?  So you finally took that goo out of the fridge?

Katie:  Yeah, I just had to cook it some more.

Joey:  But she broke a bowl doing it.

Katie:  Not the bowl that it was in.

Scot:  Did you microwave it?

Katie:  No, I cooked it on the stove.

Scot:  You cannot cook with a bowl on the stove.

Katie:  I put it in a pan.

Scot:  You cannot put a bowl in a pan.

Katie:  I did not put the bowl in the pan.

Scot:  Then how did you break the bowl?

Joey:  She threw it with a spoon.

Katie:  I was trying to spoon it out of the bowl.

Joey:  Yeah, but she threw the whole thing across the room and it shattered, but it was all still stuck together.  Then she picked up the spoon and chunks of glass just started falling off.

Katie:  I cleaned up all of the glass.

Scot:  I think that this is something that could only happen in our house.