Sam came over and sat next to me.

Sam:  I just farted.

Me:  Thanks for sharing.

Sam: I just farted again (laughing)

Me:  Is farting funny?

Sam:  Yes.  Would that be bad for our military?

Me: Farting?

Sam:  No, if someone hit one of our submarines with a nuclear bomb.

Me:  Yes that would be very bad.

Sam:  We used a nuclear bomb in the 40’s to end the war.  They must have had really advanced technology and really advanced computer systems back in the 40’s

Me:  Actually we are more technologically advanced now than they were in the 40’s.

Sam:  What if what they are telling you about the 40’s is not the truth?  What if they were a super advanced society?  You don’t know, you were not there.

Our internet went down and the modem is on the top floor.

Scot: (yells upstairs to Joey who is sitting right next to the modem) Joey would you please perform your internet magic?

Sam:  I think it is creepy how Joey knows how to fix the internet.  He could go work for the internet company.  He must be the smartest teenager in the world, he knows how to fix the internet and he is not even an adult yet.  (whispered) I wonder what other secrets he could be hiding.  I need to find out what his deepest darkest creepy secrets are.

Joey:  (comes downstairs) OK the internet is back up.

Sam:  Joey, I am watching you.

Joey:  Um okay, I will be watching you too then.

(Sam and Joey walk off)

Me:  I think I am the smartest person in this house for teaching Joey how to reboot the modem and router so that I don’t have to do it.

Sam:  I made up a new planet.  It is called Anus Ka.  It is about the same size as Earth and it circles a red sun.  It also has land and water like Earth, but its atmosphere is made up of mostly methane which is actually cow farts.

Me:  Does the planet stink?

Sam:  Well, it smells like fart, but the inhabitants of Anus Ka like the smell.  Do you want to know  about the different species that live on this planet?

Scot:  I would love to hear about that.

Sam:  There is a snake like creature called speed snake and it looks just like a snake except it is an herbivore and has small teeth  It hangs from trees and eats the leaves.  It only has one predator and when it is threatened, it spins its body faster than a helicopter propeller and it can hover for a few minutes at a time.  There is a predator called anus pit and it is made of poop.

Scot:  Really?  It is made of poop?

Sam:  Yeah.  Does that sound a lot like Uranus?

Scot:  Yes, I guess it does.

Sam:  Why did they name the planet Uranus

Katie:  It is actually the Roman name of a Greek God.

Scot: The ROMAN name of a GREEK god?

Katie:  Yes the Romans took the Greek gods into their belief system and changed the names to Roman or Latin names.

Katie and Sam are sitting on the front porch snapping green beans.

Sam:  Look I can snap them with only one hand.

Katie:  It takes less time if you use two hands.

Sam:  I have super snapping abilities though.

Sam:  (about one minute later)  Okay, I am done now.

Katie: Will you please pick up that bean you dropped and hand it to me?

Sam: What?

Katie: Oh never mind you just stepped on it and smashed it.  Just throw that one away.

Sam: Why?

Katie: We don’t need our food to be a test of our immune systems.

Katie (to Scot and I):  Sam made up a guy that he wants me to date:

Sam:  Well, do you like him?

Katie:  I haven’t met him yet.  How can I know if I like him or not?

Sam:  You know a lot about him right?

Katie:  Well, I haven’t met him in person.

Sam:  Well, do you like him?

Katie: Sam, I don’t know yet.

Sam: He’s an inventor and he has billions of dollars.  He is in his 20’s and he dies his hair gray so that he will look good.  What colors make gray?

Katie:  Black and white.

Sam:  He mixes black dye and white dye to make gray dye for his hair.  What would you do if Anthony said that he only had one picture taken of himself on his camera before it broke?

Katie: Who is Anthony?

Sam:  The guy you are dating.

Katie:  How can I be dating him if I have never met him?

Sam:  Is there terrorism in France?

Scot, Sam and I were watching Hell’s Kitchen last night and the chefs were surprised and crying when their families showed up.

Me:  Gee like they didn’t know that was going to happen, because it has never ever happened on every other season.

Sam: (Sounding sad and like he is crying)  That is so unsuspected.

Scot:  It is isn’t it.

Sam:  (Whispering to Scot)  I am crying with joy.