Category Archives: TALES FROM THE DINING ROOM TABLE

How Aboot That Southern Drawl, Eh?

14 Sunday Sep 2014

Posted by in TALES FROM THE DINING ROOM TABLE

≈ Leave a comment

Me:  Sorry, my southern comes out sometimes.

Scot:  I cannot stand that Okie from the skokee accent.  Yours is not like that.

Me:  It’s Muskokee not the skokee.

Katie:  A girl with a southern accent is fine to me, but I cannot stand a guy with a southern accent.

Sam:  Why can you not even stand a guy with a southern accent?  Is it because of Nickelback?  (Katie really really really does not like the lead singer’s voice and makes this very well known to all of us)

Katie:  No Sam, Nickelback is from Canada.

Scot:  There is nothing worse than a Canadian with a southern drawl.

 

Advertisements

Pop Goes The Wolverine

14 Sunday Sep 2014

Posted by in TALES FROM THE DINING ROOM TABLE, THE WORLD ACCORDING TO SAM

≈ Leave a comment

Sam:  Do you know about wolverines?

Katie:  Yes.  They have metal claws that come out from between their knuckles.

Sam:  AARRRGGGGHHHH!  You just don’t understand, I give up.

Katie:  I was just kidding.  It was a joke.

Sam:  Wolverines are actually real.   They are the largest member of the weasel family.

Scot:  I did not even know that they were a type of weasel.

Sam:  Did you know that badgers are weasels and that most weasels are very aggressive?

Scot:  They are so aggressive they will attack a cobra.

Sam:  Honey badgers are immune to snake venom.

Scot:  Is that why honey badgers don’t care?

Katie: Did you know that the weasel in “Pop Goes the Weasel” is actually a winter coat and a man is trying to pawn it off to buy a night out on the town?

Sam:  Did you know that wolverines smell better than humans?

Scot:  They don’t stink as bad as humans?

Sam:  No Dad, the have better smell detectors.  Their receptors are freaking huge.

 

From the Mouths of Babes.

28 Monday Oct 2013

Posted by in TALES FROM THE DINING ROOM TABLE

≈ Leave a comment

Joey was teasing Scot about being old.

Scot:  You know, I brought you into this world and I can take you out.

Me:  YOU brought him into this world?

Scot: Well, I have to admit that your mom did most of the work.

Katie:  Yeah, you just did the fun part.

Me:  (Fingers in my ears)  LA LA LA LA LA…

Scot:  I would have expected that out of Joey’s mouth, but never yours Katie.

Me: I am leaving now.

Are there ducks in Alaska?

20 Sunday Oct 2013

Posted by in TALES FROM THE DINING ROOM TABLE, THE WORLD ACCORDING TO SAM

≈ Leave a comment

Sam:  Hey Joey, what if a duck from Alaska told Mickey Mouse that Megaman and Stretchy Urchin are trying to take over the world?

Joey:  He would gather his friends and stop them.

Sam:  What if that duck from Alaska said, “I am a genius and I made some costumes that give people super powers?”  He helped Pluto and he now has a spring tail.   What if he gave Mickey the choice to either defy gravity and be able to fly like a helicopter or to have telekinesis?

Joey:  That would be cool.

Then Sam ran off.

Whose Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

14 Saturday Sep 2013

Posted by in TALES FROM THE DINING ROOM TABLE, WELCOME TO PLANET KATIE: POPULATION 1

≈ Leave a comment

Scot:  Have you heard of people having naturally violet eyes?

Me:  I have heard something like that before. Why?

Scot:  Katie was telling me about people having violet eyes.

Katie:  Elizabeth Taylor has violet eyes.  Did you know that she is also an actress?

Me:  UM  Yes?  That is what she is famous for.

Katie:  I just thought she was famous for making make-up and perfume and stuff.

Scot:  She is known for being a beautiful movie star.

Scot:  I heard that Bach wrote some songs too.

Open Mouth; Insert Foot

10 Tuesday Sep 2013

Posted by in TALES FROM THE DINING ROOM TABLE

≈ Leave a comment

Last night Scot and Katie were talking about the fact that Doctor Who was trying to expand their audience by adding a description of what is happening in the show to the title sequence.  Sam was sitting there seeming like he was not paying attention.  This morning:

Sam: Why does Doctor Who want to expand their audience?

Scot:  Because the mainstream public does not typically watch these types of shows. They just want to watch shows about who is sleeping with who.

(Insert dirty look from me)

Sam:  What kind of shows?

Me:  Shows that don’t have science fiction in them.

Sam:  You mean stupid shows?

Scot:  Yes, stupid girly shows.

Sam walked off

Me:  I can’t take you anywhere.

Scot:  Yeah that was a stupid thing to say.  I guess I should have said dating.

Me:  Ya think?  Maybe you should leave for work now before you say anything else stupid.

 

Cleveland Rocks

07 Saturday Sep 2013

Posted by in TALES FROM THE DINING ROOM TABLE, WELCOME TO PLANET KATIE: POPULATION 1

≈ Leave a comment

Me:  He looks like Drew Carey.

Scot:  Yes he kind of does.

Me:  I wonder if his name is Andrew or just Drew.

Scot: Andrew sounds like the name of a boy who would get beat up.

Me:  No one would dare beat up Andrew McCarthy.

Scot:  Andrew McCarthy is the one person your mom would dump me for.

Me:  In a heartbeat.

Katie:  Isn’t Andrew McCarthy that guy who made the list of communists?

Scot:  What?

Me:  She means that other McCarthy guy.

Scot:  Oh Senator Joseph McCarthy.

Katie:  I thought his name was Andrew.

Me:  Andrew McCarthy is so much better looking.