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Overheard at the Craighead House

Overheard at the Craighead House

Author Archives: dorkwoman

One Flew Over The Pterodactyl’s Nest

15 Thursday Oct 2015

Posted by dorkwoman in THE WORLD ACCORDING TO SAM

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Sam:  Hi Mom.  Did you know that there is a paleontologist named David Peters who should be fired.  He sees things that are not there and draws pictures of pterosaurs that are not accurate and he tries to make people believe that they are real.  I think he needs to see a psychiatrist and that there may be a problem with his parietal lobe.  That is the part of the brain that is responsible for visual sensory integration.  He has hallucinations and I think he has a disease and if it is not curable then he needs to be put into a mental hospital.  He should not be a part of paleontological (sic) society.

Me: That sounds very serious.

Sam:  It is!  Did you know that the dimetrodon might actually be a mammal and not a dinosaur?  The dimetrodon is a genus from the Permian period that has a large sail on its back and it might use the sail to capture heat.

… In Bed

11 Sunday Oct 2015

Posted by dorkwoman in TALES FROM THE DINING ROOM TABLE, THE WORLD ACCORDING TO SAM

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Sam:  What does my fortune say?

Me:  Chance favors those in motion

Sam:  What does the back say?

Me:  Those are just lucky numbers.

Sam:  Lucky numbers are just superstition.

Katie:  So are fortunes.

We Might Be Vaping

14 Monday Sep 2015

Posted by dorkwoman in TALES FROM THE DINING ROOM TABLE, THE WORLD ACCORDING TO SAM

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Sam:  I need a piece of paper and something to write with. Quick!

Me:  What are you doing?

Sam:  Learning Japanese.

Scot and I:  (singing in unison)  “I think I’m learning Japanese, I think I’m learning Japanese, I really think so.”

Sam:  You know that is not funny, right?

Scot and I:  (in unison)  Yes it is.

That’s Preposteriorous!

12 Saturday Sep 2015

Posted by dorkwoman in THE WORLD ACCORDING TO SAM

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Sam:  I am going to be doing the dance of the peacock spider.  It is a spider with a colorful behind.  This may involve a lot of me putting my posterior in the air, but it is NOT twerking.

If I Could Save Time In A Bottle

28 Friday Aug 2015

Posted by dorkwoman in TALES FROM THE DINING ROOM TABLE, THE WORLD ACCORDING TO SAM

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Sam:  I hate epochs.  They have ruined my view of the world.  Well, my view of time.

Scot:  Does it flow like a river?

Katie:  It is just more divisions of time.  They are defined by humans.

Sam:  Meaning?

Katie:  Well, they probably have good reasons for it and for why they split time up where they do.

Scot:  It’s arbitrary.

Sam:  Oh it is arbitrary.  (he walked off then)

Yubby Dibby Dibby Dibby Dibby DibbyDibby Dum

25 Tuesday Aug 2015

Posted by dorkwoman in TALES FROM THE DINING ROOM TABLE, THE WORLD ACCORDING TO SAM

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Sam:  Did you know that there are people who think that the Earth is flat?

Scot:  Yes.

Sam:  They believe that because their ancestors believed that.  They are not very smart.

Katie:  They are not very numerous either.

Sam:  They are called Flat Earthers.

Scot:  Yes, I have heard of Flat Earthers.  There will always be stupid people on this Planet and there is nothing we can do about it.

Sam:  But they just believe that because that is what their ancestors believed.

Katie (singing):  Tradition!

Scot:  That is exactly what I was thinking!

Gag Me With A Spoon!

16 Sunday Aug 2015

Posted by dorkwoman in TALES FROM THE DINING ROOM TABLE

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Joey:  Did Katie tell you that she finally got her homemade leg wax stuff to work?

Scot:  Really?  So you finally took that goo out of the fridge?

Katie:  Yeah, I just had to cook it some more.

Joey:  But she broke a bowl doing it.

Katie:  Not the bowl that it was in.

Scot:  Did you microwave it?

Katie:  No, I cooked it on the stove.

Scot:  You cannot cook with a bowl on the stove.

Katie:  I put it in a pan.

Scot:  You cannot put a bowl in a pan.

Katie:  I did not put the bowl in the pan.

Scot:  Then how did you break the bowl?

Joey:  She threw it with a spoon.

Katie:  I was trying to spoon it out of the bowl.

Joey:  Yeah, but she threw the whole thing across the room and it shattered, but it was all still stuck together.  Then she picked up the spoon and chunks of glass just started falling off.

Katie:  I cleaned up all of the glass.

Scot:  I think that this is something that could only happen in our house.

 

What Is The Last Thing To Pass Through A Fly’s Mind?

16 Sunday Aug 2015

Posted by dorkwoman in DRIVING ME CRAZY, WELCOME TO PLANET KATIE: POPULATION 1

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Katie:  Oh!  It is so weird to see just the cab of a truck drive by.  It is like seeing just a fly’s head buzz by.

Me:  Um wow.

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Stings

07 Friday Aug 2015

Posted by dorkwoman in THE WORLD ACCORDING TO SAM

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Sam:  There are four stages in a mosquito’s life.  Which one is your favorite?

Scot:  Um, the egg because it is the farthest from biting me.

Sam:  What would you do if you saw one?

Scot:  I would pee on it?

Sam:  You would pee on a pupae?

Scot:  Yes, yes I would.

M-I-C See Ya Real Soon…

10 Friday Apr 2015

Posted by dorkwoman in THE WORLD ACCORDING TO SAM

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Sam:  Dad, will you wake me up at 10?

Scot:  Tomorrow?

Sam:  No, on July 14th.  That is the exact time that the probe is supposed to reach Pluto and I don’t want to miss it.

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