14 Monday Sep 2015
Posted in TALES FROM THE DINING ROOM TABLE
Sam: I need a piece of paper and something to write with. Quick!
Me: What are you doing?
Sam: Learning Japanese.
Scot and I: (singing in unison) “I think I’m learning Japanese, I think I’m learning Japanese, I really think so.”
Sam: You know that is not funny, right?
Scot and I: (in unison) Yes it is.
12 Saturday Sep 2015
Posted in THE WORLD ACCORDING TO SAM
Sam: I am going to be doing the dance of the peacock spider. It is a spider with a colorful behind. This may involve a lot of me putting my posterior in the air, but it is NOT twerking.
28 Friday Aug 2015
Sam: I hate epochs. They have ruined my view of the world. Well, my view of time.
Scot: Does it flow like a river?
Katie: It is just more divisions of time. They are defined by humans.
Sam: Meaning?
Katie: Well, they probably have good reasons for it and for why they split time up where they do.
Scot: It’s arbitrary.
Sam: Oh it is arbitrary. (he walked off then)
25 Tuesday Aug 2015
Posted in TALES FROM THE DINING ROOM TABLE
Sam: Did you know that there are people who think that the Earth is flat?
Scot: Yes.
Sam: They believe that because their ancestors believed that. They are not very smart.
Katie: They are not very numerous either.
Sam: They are called Flat Earthers.
Scot: Yes, I have heard of Flat Earthers. There will always be stupid people on this Planet and there is nothing we can do about it.
Sam: But they just believe that because that is what their ancestors believed.
Katie (singing): Tradition!
Scot: That is exactly what I was thinking!
16 Sunday Aug 2015
Posted in TALES FROM THE DINING ROOM TABLE
Joey: Did Katie tell you that she finally got her homemade leg wax stuff to work?
Scot: Really? So you finally took that goo out of the fridge?
Katie: Yeah, I just had to cook it some more.
Joey: But she broke a bowl doing it.
Katie: Not the bowl that it was in.
Scot: Did you microwave it?
Katie: No, I cooked it on the stove.
Scot: You cannot cook with a bowl on the stove.
Katie: I put it in a pan.
Scot: You cannot put a bowl in a pan.
Katie: I did not put the bowl in the pan.
Scot: Then how did you break the bowl?
Joey: She threw it with a spoon.
Katie: I was trying to spoon it out of the bowl.
Joey: Yeah, but she threw the whole thing across the room and it shattered, but it was all still stuck together. Then she picked up the spoon and chunks of glass just started falling off.
Katie: I cleaned up all of the glass.
Scot: I think that this is something that could only happen in our house.
16 Sunday Aug 2015
Katie: Oh! It is so weird to see just the cab of a truck drive by. It is like seeing just a fly’s head buzz by.
Me: Um wow.
07 Friday Aug 2015
Posted in THE WORLD ACCORDING TO SAM
Sam: There are four stages in a mosquito’s life. Which one is your favorite?
Scot: Um, the egg because it is the farthest from biting me.
Sam: What would you do if you saw one?
Scot: I would pee on it?
Sam: You would pee on a pupae?
Scot: Yes, yes I would.
10 Friday Apr 2015
Posted in THE WORLD ACCORDING TO SAM
Sam: Dad, will you wake me up at 10?
Scot: Tomorrow?
Sam: No, on July 14th. That is the exact time that the probe is supposed to reach Pluto and I don’t want to miss it.
21 Saturday Mar 2015
Katie: Oscar (our kitten) is such a crazy proto-cat.
Sam: What is a proto-cat?
Katie: A cat prototype.
Sam: So, am I a human prototype?
Katie: Yes.
Sam: Well, I think I am a full human.
16 Friday Jan 2015
Posted in TALES FROM THE DINING ROOM TABLE
Scot: If only there was a pillow that was endorsed by the American Pillow Association.
Me: Maybe it would help with your moderate to severe plaguing sleeplessness. You might not have to take the drugs that cause you to have bouts of uncontrollable gambling in your sleep.
