Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of SPARTA!

11 Thursday Jul 2013

Posted by dorkwoman in TALES FROM THE DINING ROOM TABLE, THE WORLD ACCORDING TO SAM, WELCOME TO PLANET KATIE: POPULATION 1

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Katie: Sam, wasn’t that pirate letter pretty cool? It is showing what pirates were really like.

Sam: How old are the Olympics?

Katie: About 2000 years. Do you like the pirate book?

Sam: How come girls were not allowed to race in the Olympics.

Katie: Because they did not treat women and men the same in those times. Sam, this page shows you how to tie knots like pirates did. Did you know that there are still pirates today but they are mostly in Somalia and places like that?

Sam: What if an ancient Greek person traveled to the future and saw that girls were in the Olympics?

Katie: Well Sam, women can compete in the Olympics today.

Me: He said someone from ancient Greece and the future to them could be today.

Katie: Do you want me to read more of this pirate book to you?

Sam: Well I think they would be surprised to see girls in the Olympics.

Me: I don’t think you two are operating on the same wavelength.

Bird Brain

10 Wednesday Jul 2013

Posted by dorkwoman in THE WORLD ACCORDING TO SAM

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Sam: How long does it take to get to the Indonesian rain forest? 6 hours?

Me: I am sure it is a lot longer than that, but I will look it up.

Me: The shortest I could find was two days with stops in 3 different countries.

Sam: Yeah if you are walking there.

Me: No, you cannot walk to Indonesia, there is an ocean to get across. Plus it would take a lot longer to walk that distance than just two days. You cannot even walk across Oregon in two days.

Sam: Well, I want to study animals in their natural habitats, but there are some cool animals in America that we can go see. Wild turkeys are fascinating.

Me: Wild turkeys?

Sam: Yes. They can actually fly and they run really fast. They are also very smart.

Follow the white rabbit.

09 Tuesday Jul 2013

Posted by dorkwoman in DRIVING ME CRAZY, WELCOME TO PLANET KATIE: POPULATION 1

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Katie: Hey look, we’re following the white stuff. It looks like somebody tried to snort crack out the window. I probably shouldn’t have said that with Sam in the car. Don’t do drugs, they are bad for you.

Is it a bagel or a bun?

07 Sunday Jul 2013

Posted by dorkwoman in TALES FROM THE DINING ROOM TABLE

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Scot: It would be cool if you could wind it up and it would dance around. What is that a bagel?

Katie: No, it is a foam ring that you use like a sock bun.

Scot: A sock bun?

Katie: You don’t know what a sock bun is?

Scot: It looks like a bagel.

Katie: Well, you use it like a sock bun. Here let me show you.

Scot: So you ruin a sock? You have to cut a hole in it?

Katie: It is an old sock.

Scot: You put old stinky socks in your hair?

Katie: Well, you’d wash it first.

Scot: So it makes you look like Princess Leia? It looks like a cinnamon roll.

Katie: No, more like a Krispy Kreme in your hair.

Scot: At least that would smell better than an old sock.

Katie: It would be a bit sticky though. A Steampunk cake, now how awesome is that?

Party like it’s $19.99.

07 Sunday Jul 2013

Posted by dorkwoman in THE WORLD ACCORDING TO SAM

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Sam: Hey Mom, would you like to be rich?

Me: Sure. I guess that would be kind of cool.

Sam: I know how to become rich. You just need to invent something. I am going to invent Flashlight Parrot. It is like a real parrot only without the hassles, like being loud and bird poop and stuff like that. Wouldn’t that be a good invention?

Me: That sounds like a good invention.

Sam: She can be your best friend and when you push a button she will light up. She is going to have a built in GPS, so that she doesn’t get lost. It will cost $19.99. Does that sound like a good price?

Me: That is just under $20, so it is not too expensive.

Sam: You can’t invent something called butt paper, because that is just a rip-off of toilet paper.

Me: That would not be a good idea.

Sam: I am going to make a video on how to be rich. Dad, would you watch that video?

Scot: Yes, I would definitely watch it.

Sam: What would you invent?

Scot: I would invent a computer program or game. I know how to do that.

Sam: Well, you do work with computers all day. I want a sandwich for lunch. Would you make me a sandwich? Would you buy the boogie bot? It is only $17.99. It dances because it has a boogie chip. That is new technology. (then off he goes to wait for a sandwich.)